Monday, 18 January 2016

Fibro thoughts


So today I started back at work after being off for three weeks...that went well. I did a four and a half hour shift, and I am currently lying on top of bed, with my legs on a pillow, covered with a blanket cause my duvets hurts my legs too much. It's been that kind of day. 

I wish I could say this was a rare thing, but it's not. I only work part-time, but after every shift I am in a lot of pain. The way things are going I may have to give up my job, and I hate that. I work in retail which can be hard for someone who is healthy let alone someone with health problems. It's not worth it, and my though my health sucks in general, carrying on the way I have been isn't helping. I'm now faced with the tough decision of what I should do. 

I truly hate the way fibromyalgia has taken over my life. I wish I was able to do the same as other 20 somethings, but I just physically can't. And that thought hurts as much as the physical pain. 

Growing up I never quite fitted in. I was the bookish quiet girl, who didn't enjoy the same as others my age. When I went to university this changed slightly, as I met people with the same interests, but in some ways I still felt a bit like an outsider. 

I feel like this a lot recently. 

In many ways I feel alone, even when I'm surrounded by friends and family. This is partly due to my pain and other symptoms, but part of it is I just feel...well, lost. 

I don't know who I am anymore, if that makes any sense. For years I dreamt about becoming a teacher, but with my health this is no longer plausible. I suppose you could say I've lost sense of direction. 

Hopefully soon I will find a new dream or goal. 

How about you? Do you ever feel this way? Let me know in the comments or by using the hashtag #NovelNaomi on Twitter. 

Till next time,

Naomi x

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